Ceramic Man (Life Cycle of a Tear)

Ceramic man holding life within you


Like a potted plant yearning to grow


You protect the contents of your being


You provide a home for your inner you


You water yourself from the tears that never surface


They drip from inside your eyes like condensation


Slowly making its way down your throat


Soothing your larynx


Past your lungs, past your heart


As you grasp for air and hold hope dear


Past your stomach


Full of nourishment, but not the kind you crave


Past your groin


Fully abstained and antisocial


Past your legs


Propping up what might as well be an empty pot


And finally reaching your feet


As it wells up into your toes


Into your sole


Trying desperately to save the life inside you


So that you may bloom


So that you may blossom


The roots of you are so dry and rotted


And you have not provided enough tears


Most of them did surface


Most of them did escape


But no one knows about that


You watch them go to waste instead of collecting them


Letting yourself dry out


Letting yourself starve


Even avoiding the rain that could save you


All that is left is the sun that holds your soft pulse


But when the sun goes down you are half alive once more



It is alive in me once again


Shoving its way into place


It lies to me yet again


It tells me to keep a straight face


It is bad now once again


I can barely concentrate


So I am sorry yet again


But you will never be able to relate


I tell the same story once again


Of why I feel this way


And you look at me yet again


And tell me it is ok


But look, I am tired once again


Of dragging you into my mess


So excuse me yet again


While I privately convalesce


I will beat it once again


With a word or paintbrush


And come out bruised yet again


And remember this moment I hate so much


I write once again


To create this shit away


And think to myself yet again


How it got to be this way


And it is genetics once again


That made me who I am


Family history yet again


That I can’t fight worth a damn


So this is my life once again


I am reminded time after time


So I live on yet again


And nurse this curse I get to call mine

Respect Me

This space is reserved for two

And gets to be occupied by few

So when lightheartedness becomes rude

It begins to change my mood

Like how many times do I say enough?

Like why do you think I bluff

When I say I don’t like this?

All these viewpoints that you seem to miss

Sometimes I’m sour when I should feel bliss

But this won’t end anything and I’ll take it in stride

Like I always do because I’m along for the ride

But don’t get too comfortable with insensitivity

Or else you can get comfortable with my inactivity

When I don’t talk for days

And you can try many ways

But I won’t pick up

But we will make up

When I feel you have finally learned

And I feel like I will no longer be burned

So for now things are fine

But I will get what is mine

You will respect me

Or you and I will be history

Will It

If you want it, take it

If you want me, come and get me

I won’t stop you

In fact I encourage it!

But don’t make a fool out of me

Because everyone is someone’s fool

And I can promise you I am not yours

Be direct

I have no time for indirection

And no time for indiscretions

I’m a commodity reserved for few

But few could turn into you

If you will it


It’s high time I be less forgiving

Because I give and give but rarely get

None of you pay me

Not with money or food or attention

Love, or otherwise

And I must admit that I never solicited myself for anything

Because it’s in my nature to do these things

I wouldn’t dream of telling you no

But you need to put up or shut the fuck up

Maybe I’m really just evil and a sadist

Being so gentle until I am no longer

So that when I am no longer

You no longer want or need me

And the sting of it all is too much to bear

Sometimes sorry isn’t enough

It is after all just a word

And I’ve learned words are hollow

Hollow like the room I used to have for patience

I will be less forgiving

Or maybe you just need to be less


Real eyes realize real lies

But can’t hear the outcries

Or see the pink skies

Up above them like cotton candy

But at least be able to focus on me

Let’s find out what could be

Because it could be magic

I know I feel fantastic

When I hear from you it’s like static

Under my skin

Rising up and out from within

That makes me feel like we both can win

Maybe we have nothing to gain

Maybe this whole thing is insane

And maybe you think I’m lame

But we also don’t have anything to lose

So let’s just take it slow and cruise

So slow that you and I lay down and snooze


No, I need more in my cup

I need more to shut this up

It’s digging at me like razors

So I’ll take some without any chasers

So I don’t have to think

And not smell this stink

That’s clouding my mind

And turning back time

When I was losing my mind

And was beginning to unwind

While I watched them chase her

And watched the danger

Unfold like paper

With writing from your savior

Saying its ok

That it’s a new day

It is meant to be this way

Go out and do you

Go out and be new

The grass is wet with dew

So clean off your shoes

Don’t track in the mud

Like some inconsiderate dud

Live freely

So people can see me be me freely

And not live in fear

I have people I hold dear

And they love me without condition

So I’ll shove this into remission

You probably don’t know what this is about

Maybe you have some doubt

But don’t

Don’t ask me to explain because I won’t

I’ll just stay in my lane

And do things somewhat the same

Because I was blessed to be made by my maker

And so for that, fill my cup with no chaser

My Thoughts on Depression

In my opinion and unfortunate experience depression is like looking from the outside in at yourself and the outside is cold. You want to be inside with the part of you that is still happy where it’s warm but the door is locked, for now. You would and should keep trying to get inside but right now you are tired, both physically and emotionally. The funny thing is the door locks from the outside and the keys to the door are not entirely impossible to obtain but you are too tired to look for them right now, so for now you remain cold. Maybe you have a jacket and maybe you don’t but either way you’re not inside where it’s comfortable.