After Twenty Two

Epilogue

 

So I assume you may be wondering what you just read

It wasn’t me just rambling on and not me going brain dead

All encounters were based in fact and were lived experiences

Some for good and some for bad but I think you can tell the differences

I suppose I’m stronger for all of them in some roundabout way

And after all the things I wrote there are still things I wish to say

You see, I have written all my work thus far in a gender neutral fashion

This was to protect myself but also to give a reader something to relate to, something to catch them

Some people who really know me can at least attempt to understand me

To other people who suspect me, all they can do is look from the outside in and see

Watch me write what I have to say with conviction and truth and emotion

While I let my words drown me in an ocean

Of memories both good and bad

Where I was smiling, was drunk and felt glad

While other times I felt grief and shame

Which I hate to admit had left me dumb and lame

After twenty two was a time of awakening and acquiescence

And my eyes and mind have not shut since

It took me twenty two years to await the day

When I could finally look at and tell myself and my parents that I am gay

So there you have it, I am ambiguous no more

So don’t be shocked, but if you are find the nearest door

Because I’m done living this long lie

And I have no more reasons to hide

Because everyone I truly love knows and accepts me

For who I am and for that I can die happily

I suppose it’s the best kept secret I was never truly keeping

But one I suppose I was never openly admitting

There’s much more to me than this and for that I am happy

Because I never want to be fully understood or ever overly sappy

I’m best enjoyed at a calculated distance

But maybe I’d let the right person in, for instance

I live my life by the famous saying of King Ludwig II of Bavaria, a saying I often, to myself, utter

“I wish to remain an eternal enigma to myself and to others”

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