Fête and Regret

Me, myself and I

My cup, this straw and this Skyy

Giving new meaning to Skyy high

Sipping slowly but with intent

Drink

Lose control of self

Clink

Let us toast to new beginnings

Sink

Drown in the euphoria

And transcend time

Then come to in the next minute

Sick

What have I done?

Click

Why did you post that?

Trick

I’ve been played again

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Respect Me

This space is reserved for two

And gets to be occupied by few

So when lightheartedness becomes rude

It begins to change my mood

Like how many times do I say enough?

Like why do you think I bluff

When I say I don’t like this?

All these viewpoints that you seem to miss

Sometimes I’m sour when I should feel bliss

But this won’t end anything and I’ll take it in stride

Like I always do because I’m along for the ride

But don’t get too comfortable with insensitivity

Or else you can get comfortable with my inactivity

When I don’t talk for days

And you can try many ways

But I won’t pick up

But we will make up

When I feel you have finally learned

And I feel like I will no longer be burned

So for now things are fine

But I will get what is mine

You will respect me

Or you and I will be history

Will It

If you want it, take it

If you want me, come and get me

I won’t stop you

In fact I encourage it!

But don’t make a fool out of me

Because everyone is someone’s fool

And I can promise you I am not yours

Be direct

I have no time for indirection

And no time for indiscretions

I’m a commodity reserved for few

But few could turn into you

If you will it

Forgive

It’s high time I be less forgiving

Because I give and give but rarely get

None of you pay me

Not with money or food or attention

Love, or otherwise

And I must admit that I never solicited myself for anything

Because it’s in my nature to do these things

I wouldn’t dream of telling you no

But you need to put up or shut the fuck up

Maybe I’m really just evil and a sadist

Being so gentle until I am no longer

So that when I am no longer

You no longer want or need me

And the sting of it all is too much to bear

Sometimes sorry isn’t enough

It is after all just a word

And I’ve learned words are hollow

Hollow like the room I used to have for patience

I will be less forgiving

Or maybe you just need to be less

19:49

Real eyes realize real lies

But can’t hear the outcries

Or see the pink skies

Up above them like cotton candy

But at least be able to focus on me

Let’s find out what could be

Because it could be magic

I know I feel fantastic

When I hear from you it’s like static

Under my skin

Rising up and out from within

That makes me feel like we both can win

Maybe we have nothing to gain

Maybe this whole thing is insane

And maybe you think I’m lame

But we also don’t have anything to lose

So let’s just take it slow and cruise

So slow that you and I lay down and snooze

Both Ways

One way streets are so fleeting

And until l now it left me with no feelings

But it did leave me fearing and hard of hearing

Of my own thoughts

It was never lying but maybe some concealing

And I played the game somewhat well without revealing

But at all times denying and at times crying and sighing

For help and confidence

Because what this is can be stigmatizing

And so I was better off “hiding”

But that was demoralizing

So I stopped

Now I’m realizing that when the sun is rising

It is a blessing that I am still living

No more conspiring against myself and fleeing

Only loving openly and seeing

That one way streets are fleeting

Which is why I can have it both ways

Chaser

No, I need more in my cup

I need more to shut this up

It’s digging at me like razors

So I’ll take some without any chasers

So I don’t have to think

And not smell this stink

That’s clouding my mind

And turning back time

When I was losing my mind

And was beginning to unwind

While I watched them chase her

And watched the danger

Unfold like paper

With writing from your savior

Saying its ok

That it’s a new day

It is meant to be this way

Go out and do you

Go out and be new

The grass is wet with dew

So clean off your shoes

Don’t track in the mud

Like some inconsiderate dud

Live freely

So people can see me be me freely

And not live in fear

I have people I hold dear

And they love me without condition

So I’ll shove this into remission

You probably don’t know what this is about

Maybe you have some doubt

But don’t

Don’t ask me to explain because I won’t

I’ll just stay in my lane

And do things somewhat the same

Because I was blessed to be made by my maker

And so for that, fill my cup with no chaser

Heavy

I feel heavy

There is a dark, massive blanket covering my body

My whole self is weak trying to keep standing

But I fight through the burning in my legs

But for how much longer?

I feel cold

This dark, massive blanket is wet

The water is cold and seeps into my skin

And then that water chills my soul

So that now I am frozen

Frozen in time and stuck in this feeling

I tend to an ever dwindling fire inside

But for how much longer?

I feel tired

I am so tired of holding this blanket up

I am tired of feeling heavy

I am tired of feeling cold

But I have to remain awake

But I can’t do it much longer

Soon

All artists are sad or have been sad

Wow, beauty really is mad

Aren’t we all sad, just a tad?

Happy can’t last forever? Damn!

It’s a truth that is forever denied

If one is sad it is always kept inside

What a shame, you always have to hide

Well, you don’t have to hide

But exposure and pity coincide

And pity you will not have

You will not be felt sorry for

For your pride is overgrown

Emotion must never be shown

Because you are man?

Hold on

Don’t become heavy with stereotypes

Don’t give in to that fake hype

Own it

Show it

Feel it

Then destroy it

Have a fit

Be a misfit

But don’t hide it

For now it is strong

It is holding on

To the you that you want to be

Your old self is protected from yourself

From me?

Why from me?

Because now you are weak

But you must become strong

The strength has been inside you all along

So own it

Feel it

Show it

It may be hard now

But victory is around a corner

Maybe not the next corner

But a corner soon approaching

Blue

Celebrate the small victories

Ride that high for a while

Let all the love come to me

That gives me reasons to smile

For an instant things were great

Things were as they should be

I hadn’t felt down as of late

But now that feeling has come to haunt me

I’m not ignorant of my blessings

I know there are people around

But when those people try to say things

I can barely hear their sounds

It’s exhausting, taxing, and heavy

But I don’t blame it on anyone

Because this was meant for me

So I’ll deal with it until it’s done

I know this feeling too well, it has no disguise

It comes out of the blue and leaves me blue

So maybe I’ll try to paint and watch that paint dry

But unfortunately I have lost interest in that too